


Isn't Always Greener

by sarahsharpe1231



Category: The Flash (TV 2014)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-20
Updated: 2019-07-20
Packaged: 2020-07-09 09:55:21
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,904
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19885705
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sarahsharpe1231/pseuds/sarahsharpe1231
Summary: Cisco left S.T.A.R. Labs in complete bliss. Only a few moments later, he was faced with someone who made him question everything. (Missing scene from 5x22)





	Isn't Always Greener

**Author's Note:**

> Well...that finale happened. (Yes, I know two months ago but some information I found out this week allowed me to write a better ending than I had originally planned...I'll get to that later. Also, just wanted to get this up before The Flash's SDCC panel today!)
> 
> Like I'm sure most of you who clicked on this...the finale DEVASTATED me. Not because of Nora dying. But because of what Cisco did after she disappeared--stripping himself of his powers.
> 
> I was BEYOND furious. EVERYTHING I had invested the past five years of my life in (and you can see the evidence in almost every fic I've written on here)...just thrown in the trash. It was a complete slap in the face and something I didn't think I'd ever be able to forgive the writers for.
> 
> One of my first thoughts was about my former OTP. Cisco & Cynthia. And the incredible literal connection they shared. And how that's just......gone. What would Cynthia think? That was the impetus to start writing this.
> 
> And then I held off for two months and didn't come back to it until I found this tidbit in TV Guide Magazine's SDCC issue: '"The big question is, can Cisco be happy without his powers?" asks Wallace.' I'm sorry, WHAT?!?!? I'm not just gonna have to be COMPLACENT for a whole season while he's off being happy with his girlfriend and NOT living up to his "great and honorable destiny"?!?!? HALLELUJAH!!!! I was THRILLED to know he'll be second-guessing the DUMBEST THING HE EVER DID!!!!! There's a LOT more I can say...but you can scroll back through my Instagram (same handle as here) to read all of my thoughts.
> 
> Anyway...that allowed me to write an ending for this fic that made me SUPER happy. And didn't just force me to write a Cisco who wasn't going to apologize for what he did. I had a LOT of leeway. And I could NOT be more thrilled.
> 
> So...here it is! I hope you enjoy it! A lot of my heart and soul went into this thing!

Caitlin pulled back the tarp and a smile appeared on her face. Killer Frost was also incredibly pleased with Cisco’s handiwork. Caitlin was glad. She was who would actually be wearing it in public. They both were admiring all the gorgeous details Cisco had worked into this suit when they heard a familiar sound behind them. It was a breach. Cynthia jumped through and was clearly out of breath…and shaking.

“ _Where is he?_ ” she asked Caitlin.

“Cynthia…” Caitlin said, trying to get her to calm down.

“ _Caitlin, where is he?_ ” Cynthia yelled, grabbing her by the arms.

“He…he just left,” Caitlin said, confused—but knowing for sure she was talking about Cisco.

“He’s okay?” Cynthia asked.

“Yeah,” Caitlin said. “Yeah, he…”

Cynthia ran out of Cisco’s lab before Caitlin could finish. Cisco was about to cross the street when he heard heels running quickly toward him. He turned around.

“Cynthia?” he asked as she plunged straight into his arms.

She held onto him for dear life—afraid that if she let go, he would vanish into thin air.

“Cisco, you _dick!_ ” she said into his neck, letting the tidal wave of tears flood out of her.

“Hey,” he said, rubbing her back. “Hey, it’s okay. Everything’s okay.”

“I…I thought I lost you!” Cynthia said, trying to catch her breath. “I…how could you…what happened?”

“What do you mean?” Cisco said, pulling back to look her in the eyes.

“Our connection, you _dumbass_!” she said, hitting him on the chest. “I don’t know, it’s like… It’s like someone inside me _snapped_. Like…a part of me died. I couldn’t _feel_ you anymore. I…I was so worried… What happened?”

Cisco was so completely sure he wanted to do what he had just done that he never thought he would feel this…horrible, sickening regret he was feeling now. Well…maybe it wasn’t so much regret. Maybe it was more…guilt. He didn’t know how to tell the former love of his life he just erased a part of him. To be completely honest…the part that allowed them to be together in the first place.

“Hey, come on,” he said as he led them to a bench outside S.T.A.R. Labs.

She needed to be sitting down for this.

“Cisco…?” she said, hesitantly.

“Yeah, um,” Cisco said, trying find the right words. “Cynthia what…what I did… I want you to know that it has nothing to do with you. Or us. Or anything. It’s about what I needed to do…to make _me_ happy. Nothing more, nothing less, okay?

“Cisco, you’re scaring me,” she said.

“I’m sorry,” Cisco replied. “Okay…so our team…we just finished dealing with _another_ Big Bad. Cicada. An uncle…and then his niece. They had a dagger that could…dampen powers. And a few months ago, that dagger sliced my hands and I was…powerless…for a few months. I couldn’t open breaches, I had seizures when I tried to vibe. It wasn’t pretty. When Cailtin finally took the last of the shards out of my hands…I had realized that…I didn’t miss _anything_. I got a sweet taste of… _normalcy_ …for a few months…and I loved it. Cynthia, I…I wanted it to be that way forever.

“Where the hell are you going with this, Cisco?” Cynthia asked, brows furrowed

“I made a cure,” Cisco said, getting to the point. “A meta-human cure. We tested it. On King Shark. On the first Cicada. On several more metas who took it trying to save their own lives. It works. It takes away people’s powers…for good. Cynthia, I have a new girlfriend. Kamilla. She’s amazing. She actually reminds me a lot of you. Yesterday, I told her that I was Vibe and…being the incredible person she is…she told me that if being Vibe was what made me happy…then she’d stand by my side. But that’s the thing…Cynthia, it _doesn’t_ make me happy. I thought it did. For a _really_ long time. But when I think about my powers…I think about Thawne killing me. I think about my evil Earth-2 doppelgänger, Reverb. I think about Grodd wanting to use me—use _us_ —for our powers. _Cynthia, they’ve never given me happiness._ …So, I took the cure. Because I’m so much more than the powers that were ‘given to me out of love’ by the man who manipulated me for two and a half years and then murdered me. And whatever ‘great and honorable destiny’ he promised me…being Vibe isn’t it. I’m ready to figure out what that is.”

Cynthia looked down at Cisco’s lap. She was breathing heavily—clearly holding back tears that she did _not_ want to let fall…again. He could see the gears turning in her mind. He knew she was trying to figure out how to even begin processing what he just told her.

“Cynthia…are you mad at me?” Cisco asked—just trying to get her to say anything.

"No," she said—a little too calmly for Cisco’s liking. “Why would I be mad? Your life, your choice, right?”

Cynthia looked up. Her eyes were blood red.

“But?” Cisco asked…fearing the worst.

“But I am _incredibly_ disappointed…and insulted, frankly,” Cynthia said. “What happened to ‘I know how special our powers are?’ Yeah, that’s right. My dad told me all about what you tried to do for him last year. My father…who is _losing_ his powers. Something that was not a choice. You know, I worry _every day_ that one day, he’s going to lose his ability to open a breach and will be stuck…somewhere, out there, in the multiverse….and won’t be able to get home.”

“You know, I could hook him up with an extrapolator if you’re worried about that,” Cisco responded.

“ _IT’S NOT ABOUT—_ “ Cynthia yelled, before regaining her composure. “It’s about you taking something most people would kill to have for granted…and tossing it away like an old pair of shoes. It’s about you turning away from something so honorable—“

“ _I NEVER ASKED TO HAVE MY POWERS!”_ Cisco interrupted. “And I wasn’t born with them either. I had…what I thought was my dream job. Working for Dr. Harrison Wells at S.T.A.R. Labs. Trying to prove my worth to my parents who only ever gave a shit about my brother. And this project that I was put on…this machine that I thought would change the world for the better…caused a cataclysmic disaster. A mess I know we still haven’t finished cleaning up. And I was caught in the blast radius. My whole life…I was a pawn in someone else’s game…and I just don’t want to play anymore. Cynthia, I don’t see what’s so wrong about trying to take back the life that was stolen from me.”

“What about me?” Cynthia asked. “Was I just a part of that game, too? Does everything you experienced these last five years mean nothing? The friends you made… The friends you’ve lost… What would they think?”

One memory came rushing to the forefront of Cisco’s mind: “ _The very thing that makes you different is what makes you special,”_ Professor Stein had told him when he was too scared to tell his friends about his powers.

Then another: _“I don’t think your abilities have ever come from a place of negativity or hate. They come from somewhere good. They come from love,_ ” Julian had told him when he was too scared to fight Killer Frost.

Then another: _“Tell Cisco this took strength and he gave it to me,”_ Barry had told him that H.R. told him after he heroically sacrificed himself to save Iris.

And what was he doing now? Cowering away? Running like The Flash away from a life he was too frightened to face the rest of? No. He couldn’t let himself think that. He had to believe the choice he made was right…good… _honorable_. Besides…he couldn’t let his parents lose another son.

“Cynthia, listen,” he said. “I didn’t want to hurt you. I never want to do that. You mean too much to me—you always will. But I didn’t make this decision lightly. Yeah, there will be a _lot_ that I miss…but there was more that I missed…living this life that someone else chose for me. I just…I _can’t_ justify it anymore. I’ve lost too much…and I don’t want the next thing I lose to be my life. I have put myself and the people I love at way too much of a risk these last five years and I don’t want to subject Kamilla or _myself_ to that anymore. A year ago, I almost lost you…like _really_ lost you. And I could never forgive myself if I let that happen to someone else I love _again_. This was the only way. And I’m _so_ sorry if that’s too hard for you to accept.”

Cynthia just stared into Cisco’s big brown eyes. She didn’t have to vibe to know that he was longing for any shred of empathy from her. If she was being honest with herself…she didn’t know if she had any to give. At least right now.

“Cisco,” she said softly, “I’m sorry you feel that way. I’m sorry you feel like you had no option. And _I_ am so sorry if you felt like you needed to eradicate a part of yourself in order to feel whole. But mostly…I’m sorry that I can’t forgive you. Cisco, you deserve to be happy. Trust me, I truly do want what is best for you. That’s _why_ we broke up. That’s why I knew we couldn’t be together…because you were never going to be happy with me living the life and doing the things I had a sworn duty to do. You deserved better. And I really hope you found it with Kamilla…but that doesn’t excuse what you’ve given up. And I don’t know about you…but I have nothing more to say.”

“Me either,” Cisco said, swallowing the lump in his throat.

“Okay,” Cynthia said, getting up from the bench.

She lifted her arm and opened a breach. Cisco stood up. Cynthia looked ahead and breathed out with a sigh—trying to clear her head from that mess of a conversation. She then began walking toward the breach when Cisco yelled out.

“Hey!” he said. “Don’t be a stranger.”

Cynthia turned her head toward him.

“Take care of yourself, Cisco,” she said, before stepping through and letting the breach close behind her.

Cisco plopped back down on the bench and let the tears start falling. This wasn’t what he expected when he asked Caitlin to inject that needle into his arm. He thought everything was going to be better. He didn’t expect to feel so…broken. He was pulled away from his despair by the jarring sensation of his phone vibrating in his pocket. He took it out. It was Kamilla.

 _‘U coming?’_ she texted.

 _‘Yeah, be right there!’_ he replied.

He stood up once again, looked back at S.T.A.R. Labs—the place he was sure had taken everything from him…but now wasn’t so sure—and went off to meet the _one_ thing he knew he was sure about—Kamilla.

**Author's Note:**

> Yeah, it doesn't end on a pretty note for these two former lovebirds. But I wanted this to be realistic. I wanted to write how I feasibly believed this conversation would go. But...if there is even a CHANCE he could actually get his powers back this season...then his heartbreak will be worth it. That interview gave me a lot of hope I CERTAINLY did not have after watching that finale.
> 
> PS: EVERYTHING in me wanted to add "You're too good of a superhero to lose those powers" to that memories section but SADLY we have absolutely NO confirmation that Cisco knows Barry told him this. Would've LOVED to see him vibe the future that got erased........


End file.
